Category Archives: Personal Blog
“The Kiss of the Coal”
I am
surrounded
enveloped
cradled in the arms of Love
my mind unravels,
all of the knots, released
as I breathe in with you
my head on your chest
your fingers twisting through my hair
as you speak peace to my soul
was I ever alone? I cannot remember it,
was I ever afraid? I can’t imagine why…
was I ever alive, before this moment—I doubt it
now
now
the band around my chest is broken
your voice washes me, and I can
breathe
You speak so close
you do not hesitate
to brush my lips with your breath
closer yet…closer…
your voice resonates
in my chest,
on my lips—I form your words with you, and, together,
we speak,
you burn my tongue
the coal is hot—you have ruined my taste for anything
but you
your sweet words
the only thing I find sweet…
“you have put your words in my mouth”,
“milk and honey are under my tongue”,
what was wicked is seared
made holy by your coal
purified
an acceptable sacrifice
a pleasing aroma to our God,
offered up by my Priest, as I
lay my
head
on his chest tonight,…
Yes, my love,
you have anointed me…
“Oh, my Father, we praise you,
smile upon our love…”
(“His left hand is under my head,
His right arm embraces me,
His mouth
is
sweetness itself…”)
I am falling
your eyes are killing me
I don’t think I can stand it, but…
please, please, never
ever
stop…
I accept your invitation,
your invitation to be One
You are a consumming fire:
my burning,
our consummation;
your beauty—
my addiction,
your Love, your
Touch—
my complete undoing,
I know
I know,
I will never be the same…
(Journal Entry, Summer 2006):
I could write about this all day…the way I could feel His gentle, deep voice resonating through the depths of the ocean, shaking the heavens, quieting my soul. The way that His voice vibrated my vocal chords as the bow of a cello grabs its strings, filling its body with rich, warm music, as we spoke the same, mysterious words, from one Spirit…
A Tender Moment…
One of my daughter’s favorite stories for me to tell her while snuggling at bedtime is the story of the day I met her—the day she was born. She begged me to relay it again last night, and I obligingly began the tale.
I told her about how excited I was to hold her for the first time, but that Mommy had unexpected complications, which necessitated a very concerned room full of nurses to confiscate my new little bundle all too quickly, turning her over to Daddy for her first bath on the other side of the room. I described how the suddenly sober doctor worked deftly to try to save Mommy’s life, while Daddy and Nonnie stood by, trying not to let their faces betray what they knew and I didn’t— that the hemorrhaging was not stopping. They knew the clock was ticking.
And I told her how Mommy, oblivious to the seriousness of the situation, had only one focus:
“My baby is crying—why won’t they let me HOLD her?”
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So I did the only thing I could do. I started to sing the lullaby I had written for her, the one she had heard a thousand times in the warm, dark months that she was tucked away inside of me. And as soon as the familiar notes reached her at the other side of the hospital room, with Mommy straining her neck around to try to catch a glimpse of her, my baby girl did a beautiful thing.
She stopped crying. Suddenly. Completely.
Turning her head toward the sound, her bright, dark eyes already shining, she seemed to be searching for the source. And we stayed that way—me singing, her listening, both of us oblivious to the heroic endeavors of the medical staff—until the danger had passed and Daddy was able to deposit my newly bathed, perfect, precious little girl back into my arms where she belonged.
With a tear in the corner of my eye, I looked down at my now 9-year-old little pile of perfection, who heaved a contented sigh, looked up, and thoughtfully said:
“Mom, aren’t you glad we’re not animals, who LICK their babies clean? You know, like elephants.”
So much for sentiment…
Like this:
Why Do Prophets Sing?
Why do prophets sing? Deborah, Moses, Miriam, David, Solomon–they all had this in common.
If a prophet is a person of importance, I am not one. If a prophet is someone who repeats God’s words alone, then let us all be a company of prophets, as it says:
*“If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God.” (I Peter 4:11a), …and, *“I wish you could all speak in tongues, but even more I wish you could all prophesy. For prophecy is greater than speaking in tongues, unless someone interprets what you are saying so that the whole church will be strengthened.” (I Corinthians 14:5)
However, if a prophet is a person who has seen God, has had a glimpse of his awesome power, has been devastated by His beauty and overwhelmed by His love; who finds themselves trembling in his presence with terrible fear and undiluted desire, and who is compelled by the kiss of the coal on their lips and the fire that is birthed in their bones to speak the words of the One, eternal God— if that is the case, then I understand why a prophet sings.
Because such things cannot be expressed in human words. Because such a God elicits a response that demands expression. Because a prophet’s lips are reserved for God’s words, and not available for their own. I believe that is why God, in His mercy, has given prophets the relief of music—that while the testimony of God’s Word marches forth in their speaking, their own testimony of His greatness may take flight in their song.
There are many things I do not know. If a prophet understands matters of state and administration, politics and power, I admittedly know very little of such things, and stand far off from men who do.
But if a prophet is a Bride, captivated by the words of her Maker, then I am that girl. And these songs are the testimony of the one thing I do know. That you cannot glimpse the face of God, and fail to fall in love.
I hope that you will visit often. I hope this ongoing testimony will be a blessing to you. And most of all, I pray that the Lord would make His face to shine upon you, that we may fall in love with Him together.
Peace,
~Monica
Fire And Faith
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“These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”(1Peter 1:7)
“For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)
Man, I’m telling you what—just about the time that I start to feel ok with my own heart, the Lord (in His perfect kindess) turns up the heat, and a whole new batch of putrid, sinful humanity rises to the surface. I am at least grateful that I’m becoming familiar enough with this process that I anticipate Satan’s next move. Inevitably, the enemy of my soul chooses this moment to come, cleverly cloaked as my own conscience, and flog my soul with shame and condemnation. Should I choose to listen (and thank God I’m learning not to), having removed my breastplate of righteousness, my heart forgets the unmerited favor that Christ purchased for me with His blood, and I revert to hiding. And hiding is not good, because Jesus said:
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”(John 15:5)
So, if I felt like the task of overcoming the endless supply of sin in my heart was unlikely before, I have now guaranteed that I will be bearing NO fruit of the Spirit, because I have allowed myself to be cut off from the vine. Man, Satan is sneaky.
But you know what? I’m just not gonna listen to that garbage from the evil one, because I know that my fight is not a fight to prove myself to be, or make myself into, something good. My fight is the fight of faith. My job is to seek out and believe God’s Word: His job is to perform it. I can no more make myself a new creation than the man in the moon. No, the same Creator who knitted me together in my mother’s womb and caused me to be born, is knitting me into a new creation, and causes me to be born again. Over and over, God’s word affirms that my entire sufficiency is in Christ—and He is in me.
“…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”(Philippians 1:6)
“Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”(1 Peter 1:16)
| “ LORD, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don’t concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me. |
| But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul within me. |
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It is not my goodness God is testing. It’s my faith. My faith in the fact that all the fullness of His goodness abides in me…and that it is enough. So I’m going to bed believing God tonight—I’m going to sleep with a smile on my face. And, speaking of going to bed, it is 2:15am, so I’d better be doing that right now…
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Holiness As Salt
December 9, 2005
It’s been said that we start the process of dying the moment we’re born. Though it would be difficult to pinpoint, it would probably be more accurate to say that we start the process of dying the moment we stop growing.
Generation is the antithesis of degeneration– the power of life is obviously stronger than the power of death, but we know too well that decay is always crouching at the door, waiting for its moment of opportunity. Angry at being denied its prey, the rot of death storms in with a vengeance the very second the generative power that is life starts to slow down– the minute we stop growing, there is no force to bar the inexorable push of death into our bones. There is no middle ground, no grace period– the moment life leaves our body, it starts to rot.
So then, it’s the growing that keeps us– and so it is with our spirit. The quest for holiness, at first glance, seems futile to our human minds– I mean, if the mark we are pressing toward is God’s perfect holiness, aren’t we setting ourselves up for failure? Obviously,we will never reach that mark until after we die, so what’s the point?
The point is that the rot of sin is crouching at our door, waiting for the opportunity to drag us into decadence. We can see so clearly how the frog has been boiled in our society when it comes to morality and our standards of holiness. It’s easy to set the bar of morality at what we think is an acceptable level, and then leave it there. But it doesn’t work that way, does it? The bar doesn’t ever stay where it is– it gets inched down, one compromise at a time, until we look around one day and realize we are wallowing in filth, and that our love has grown cold. You know– kind of like that corpse we were talking about. Rotting. Dirty. Cold.
The point is: it’s the growing that keeps us; that stops the decay from advancing into our spirits. We must not “grade ourselves on a curve”, fooling ourselves into thinking it’s just fine to stay where we are. We must set the bar at the only level of holiness that is acceptable to God: that is, His Holiness. His perfection must be the mark that we set for ourselves. You see, by setting our eyes on a standard that is ever above what we can attain, we are choosing a life of forward motion– a life of perpetual growth. The standard of love and holiness that I live by today is higher than the one I lived by a year ago– and yet, I dare not stop here, lest the sin in me grab its opportunity– next year, the standard must be higher still.
Paul said it like this: “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13,14) This is not the empty pursuit of the Pharisees– of creating more and more religious rules to disguise our deep rooted sin. It is the pursuit of a person madly in love with Jesus Christ– one who will be satisfied with nothing less than laying hold of Him, and becoming one with Him… in His death, and in His resurrected perfection ( Philippians 3:10-11). And just as salt preserves meat, so our constant pursuit of God’s holiness will preserve us, until the day our Lord Jesus is revealed, and we are made to be like Him:)
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Be Holy
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Thursday, December 01, 2005
Be Holy
“for it is written: Be holy, as I am holy”( 1 Peter 1:16)
“so you must be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48)
OK, does anyone else, like, try not to think too much about these particular verses? I mean, be Holy-as He is Holy? – be perfect? Perfect?!!! Come on, what the heck- am I missing something here? Whatever happened to “no one does good, not even one”; or “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”;– or how about “we all stumble in many ways”?
Now, I know that God’s Word CAN’T be wrong, could NEVER contradict itself– But shouldn’t someone tell God that it’s a little bit… mmm, I don’t know… IMPOSSIBLE for me to be perfect???
Ok– take a breath, Monica. Maybe we should ask God about this– you know, instead of freaking out and thinking you’ve found the one scriptural tidbit that could unravel the entire fabric of your salvation!
Ok, God. So. You expect me to be Holy, huh?
Yes.
…like You are Holy?
Yes.
As in, (gulp)…perfect?
Without spot or blemish!
Ummm, well, just so You know, I have actually tried to do that…-Ya, umm,… DIDN’T WORK.
I didn’t say, “DO Holy”. I said “BE holy”
Now I’m confused.
“DO this, DO that”–What does that sound like to you, Monica?
I guess that sounds like the Law .
Does trying to obey the Law make you holy?
No, because You said if I break the teeniest part of the Law, I’m guilty of breaking the whole thing, because all of its commandments come from the same God–YOU. And everyone knows that no one but Jesus can keep the whole Law perfectly! Which is WHY I’m so confused, because here I’ve been thinking we’re no longer under the Law, we’re under grace: but when I hear “be Holy, Monica” or “be perfect, Monica”, I start to see that giant cosmic finger wagging at me, and I start gearing up to try to do all of the right things with PERFECTION…And before you know it, I’m crumpled up in a little heap of failure at Your feet! I know there’s an answer to this, Lord…HELP!!!
Take a breath, Monica.
Ok.
Seriously.
Sorry.
Listen carefully. You keep talking about Monica TRY-ing, Monica DO-ing…and all the time I’m talking about something completely different– Monica BE-ing.
So, how do I make myself BE Holy?
How do you make a drop of rain BE wet?
That’s easy for You to ask –You’re God! Unlike YOU, I can’t just make something BE, you know, just by SPEAKING it!! All You have to do is say “Let there BE“, and WHAM– You’ve got light, water, sun, moon, stars, people…I mean, even if You were to tell me how to make a raindrop wet, I still wouldn’t have the power to make it be wet. You, on the other hand, simply say “Be Wet!” and it becomes…
Yes?…
… it BE-comes–WET!! Oh!
…and if I say to you “Be Holy!”?, you BE-come…
Holy!!
Right! And when I say, “Monica, Be perfect”, you BE-come…
Perfect? Like… You are perfect?
Without spot or blemish- Beautiful !
Really?
Do you believe Me?
Boy, do I know the correct answer to THAT question!– YES! Absolutely!…I choose to believe You!
Then, it is done. By the power of My Word and My Blood, you are even now BE-coming what I, in my perfect wisdom, know that you ARE– Holy, Perfect- Everything I ever dreamed of…my Bride!
Ohhhh, I get it– that’s why the bible says You “call the things that are not as though they were”…because whatever You call them is what they will BECOME!! Is that right?
Yep.
And You’re not going to smack me over the head with Your bath slipper for not doing everything perfectly?
People always ultimately Do what they Are– your DO-ing will catch up with your BE-ing, as you BE-come what you ARE–
Holy?
You got it!
Cool! Thanks, Lord!
You’re welcome. I love you.
Wow… I love You, too
